Tuesday, December 27, 2005

cool as Zoegirl lyrics :D

Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a bandage on my arm
For you to see me, I need release

Do I have to scream for you to hear me?
Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me
Do I need to scream?

Has anybody seen what's been done?
Where was my defense? No one heard my protest
The eyes of God were watching me
It's time to make my peace, let go and be released
So I can breathe again
I'm on my knees

I've been marked, set apart
But I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark
One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand
Is enough to heal me and make me stand

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me

I don't have to scream for Him to hear me
I don't have to bleed for Him to see me
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream
I don't have to bleed
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening
And I don't have to scream

Saturday, December 24, 2005

You wouldn't know it
But this is true love
I didn't feel butterflies
Or feel electric sparks
I didn't hear the bells ring
Or even church bells chime

All I felt was love and care
The ultimate sacrifice, forever

True love was continual giving
True love was sacrifice
True love was 39 lashes
And true love was nail pierced hands

All I feel is shame and grief
As I see my true love die
his ultimate sacrifice for me
true love is sacrifice

true love loved me before I cared
before I even know
true love died while I still sinned
and true love left the choice to me
to step up and take the offered love
or refuse and push the scarred hand away

and yet
true love still waits for me
no matter how far I stray

Sunday, December 18, 2005

when i got to work very early on saturday, i had enough time to clean under the dishwasher and under the fridge and under the coke fridge as well! and when i did the last thing, i found this 1 000 000 dollar bill from america. wahts the bet its a fake :P dam

anyway, it says (as, i believe, do all american notes) "In God we trust" which is 100% cool. but this note also has (which i am failry sure standard american notes dont have) is a message round the side.

"The million dollar questions: Will you go to heaven? Here's a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God's name in vain? Jesus said. "Whoever looks apon a woman wto lust after her has committed adulteryu already with her in his heart". Have you looked with lust? Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done thoes things God sees as lying, thieving, blasphemous, aldlterer at heart. The bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. That's not Gods will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the corss for you. Jesus took your punishment opon himself "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, bit have everlasting life." Then He rose from the head and defeated death. Please, repent (turn from sin) today and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life. Then, read your bible daily and obey it. www.wayoftheMaster.com"

pretty cool hey?
when i woke up this morning at 5:15 and thought "i have to walk to work!" i was wrong, and i got to sleep for another hour!! wonderful! then i got up and ready and walked to work. in the hot sun. but i got to work 20 mins early! what a belssing, cos the close was pretty crap.

sadly however, when it got to 9:15 and half of the things i was supposed to have done were still not done cos i was serving, things started to look alot worse. and then when it got to 9:40 and no one had turned up to help me, they went down hill very fast. not only was i so busy serving i couldnt finish the open (ie pack dounts into boxes, put price tags up) i was so busy serving i couldnt call whoever was supposed to come in and get them to come in, or even call other ppl in earlier. i called upstairs, but they had a broken froz coke machine that had flooded their shop.

finally, when a lovley lady tried to talk to me at coffee, i lost it and started crying. right there in fount of the coffee machine. i have never been so exausted in my life and the only thing i could do was keep workign and cry. and any time some one asks me abotu it, or if im ok, i just cry again. (subliminal message here: dont ask me about it, i have no wish to cry any more). even now, as i sit here and type this im crying.

All i can say is that God provides everythign you need, and though my weekness he made me strong. God gave me what i could handle and nothign more. when i really couldnt take it, He provided a set of nice customers who asked what they could do (eg put donuts away) and one who was even nice enough to ring shaun for me and ask him for help. God also made sure nothing broke while i was franticly working away, He made sure i hadnt forgottne to turn anything on that morning, and He froze my ipod on the way to work so that when i turned it back on i woudl put the worship play list on. (incidently, He also provides a fairly good boss, who know the right thing to say to the people who didnt come in to make sure they did come in, for instance, "if you want a job on monday, you need to come in now" which worked wonders compared with my "you need to come in cos you ahve a responsibility and im stressed!" which failied quite misrably. (thanks God, for shauney, who is also giving me an extra hours pay for the stress i was under :)))

now, its time for me to go to sleep and try to recover a little bit before tomorrow at work. but as i sit here, dry eyed (finally!) id just like to say (in a great subliminal message :P) that im exausted, but mostly, im worried about my best friend. she hasnt talked to me for a very long time. and it feels like, she doesnt want to. sure shes an introvert, but i hope she realises that soon, introvert or not, not talking to people is going to hurt thoes who are waiting. God didnt put us in this world alone, but together.

Thankfully God uses imprefect people, otherwise nothing would get done. and today, though my stressful, tearfull and all round exausting experince at work, i know that He is the one who is strengthening me, ready for His use in the furture.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

John works full time at a software company. and he asked if i was still at school :P

what a compleatly random post :P honestly i think posts are ways to communicate with the people you know who read them by hiding subliminal messages in them.

today on my day off, i woke up with a splitting head ache. and then the phone rang and i jumped out of bed to get it befor it woke fiona up. then i had a funny conversation wiht someone who didnt say her name but seemed to think sarah was still going out with ben... now the washing is 12 minuets off being done which means i have to go out and find the basket and then put antoher load on. no worries.

incidently, john says i created a new move by almost falling over while we were dancing last night....

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Heart Of Worship

when the music fades
all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart

i bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
through the way things appear
you're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you
It's all about you, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about you
it's all about you, Jesus

King of endless worth
no one could express
how much you deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is yours
every single breath
I wrote a song. I was supposed to be studying, but everything that has been happening lately, everything on my mind just got to me and I wrote a song. Even then, at least I was doing something. After that, I was playing tetris which almost completely equates to doing nothing.

So long I have wanted to post, but every time I just write crap about life and its not even worth me typing. Then when I type about God, everything matters. Its all important.

So now, I just want to know God, what is Your plan for me? Honestly I don't know what to do and I feel like anything I do will just be so silly and will end up making things worse. I just want you to take over and do things Your way. I'm sick of trying it my way cos honestly I'm stumbling around blind.

I'm such a child and that's exactly how I feel now. Like I'm reaching for the chocolate jar on the shelf but I'm too short to reach it.

Can You give me what I'm looking for? Can You give me the knowing inside me of which decision is the right one? All I ask right now if for You to give me all I need.

Could you show me,
The way to go?
Will you answer my prayer?
Can you help me
I'm longing to know
Are you really there?

Friday, November 11, 2005

I was watching "30 days" last night. its a show where they take soemone out of their ususal environment and put them somewhere else for 30 days to give them a new perspective. last night, they took an american guy and put him in a muslim community for 30 days. it was intersting.

Got me thinking abotu the difference between other religons and Christianity. God doenst say to us "if you forfill this criteria, (eg wear a hat, pray heaps, go to church, eat certain food) then you can come to heaven." The first thing God said to me was: "I love you so much"

"I love you so much
I love you so much I created you in My image
I love you so much I made plans for your life
I love you so much I made sure you could get into eternity
I love you so much I am preparing you for eternity now
I love you so much that one day you will be in eternity with Me"

And thats just the start.

I guess the question now is: "how do we respond to a love like that?"

"Over the mountians and the seas
Your river runs with love for me
And i will open up my heart
And let the Healer set me free

Im happy to be in the truth
And i will daily lift my hands
For i will always sing
Of when your love came down

I will sing of Your love forever"

Thursday, November 03, 2005

wow! 20 posts go me! :D ok so im not here to post much right now, in fact im jsut going to paste and copy song lyrics, but none the less, it has to be done. :D these are great :D by Hawk Nelson - im so impressed. and i know as you read you might think... is she ok? but really its not how im feeling - its just an awesom song (even awesomer with music :D) anwyay enough of me babaling on, i have to go write some kick ass story, please enjoy these great lyrics :D

Can you hear me? Does anyone around me
Feel the way that I feel now?
Cause from the window where I sometimes cry
I just want to see Your face tonight
And I’m willing to lose everything I am

Cause I need you more than ever
I need Your help to find where I’ve been going wrong so far

Take me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in Your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not alone anymore

When You’re near me, I feel like I just found me
In the traces of the boy from yesterday
But in a world that is so black and white
I will take the steps to change my life
And I won’t be coming back to here again

I need Your loving hand to guide me
Through the maze of all the things inside me
Then I’ll know that I’m alright

Cause I need You more than ever
I need Your help to find where I’ll be going wrong so far

Tale me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in Your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not along anymore
Please help me get from worse to better
Before these tears soak through this lonely sweater
And let me know that I’m alright
I still have one strike of this match left
And I’m holding on to my last breath
And its getting a little dark around to see here

Take me under Your wing tonight
Make me so perfect in your eyes
Hold on cause it will be alright
You’re not alone

And You’ll be here forever, forever You’ll stay
And You promised to love me, You’ll love me always
You’ll love me for always, You’ll love me for always

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

i just have to say that dancing last night was alot of fun. :) it was insanlly overfilled with guys thouhg :P there was proabbly about 35 guys and 15 girls... hahahaha how insane!! and my leg was sore, but cos there was such a shortage of girls - guys just kept asking for a dance!! insane as!! i danced wiht John again 8-) absolutly classic as. he kept being flashy and stiring me so i woudl spin more, so i jsut kept baiting him :D it was great. (OH my goodnes!!! IBM jsut called me!!! what insane japanese!!! ahahahha!!! man it was funny!!!) he was spinning me and i was like "stop it!" so hes like "no you can do 2 spins, so do them" and i said "i have a sore leg!!" and he said "yeah right!" but then later he started to beleive me, and he was like "well you can still dance" and then he did liike 4 consecutive spins in a row, so i said "flashy flashy, its good that evne though i have a sore leg, we at least have you to do the spinning for us" hahahaha. ok so it doenst sound as funny as it was - i guess you had to be there - but man it was funny! :D this sorta open hatred thing we have goign is good. i think its good cos he knows im not impressed by his stupid flashy moves and he knows im an ok dancer - so he helps improve me. :P hehehe its good :d

Monday, October 31, 2005

Yeah! its monday again!!

i feel a bit bad actually, cos i still havent recorded that stuff for jbf, and it doesnt look like it will happen too soon cos my voice is back on a low again. *sigh* jbf was packing shoe boxes all weekend though which was cool :D go jbf!

but tonight is dancing!! :D:D yeah yeah yeah! im considerign skipping music, but i really should go, and really - if i dont go - what am i going to do? study korean -hahaha not goign to happen. (that reminds me though - i need to buy a bus ticket) oh this week is pay week :D:D yeah for pay week!

the little dinosour was in my room before, telling me that what im wearing isnt so cool. but i really like what im wearing :D oh well! i mean, it coudl be loads worse. msn is having such a tempremental day though, signing me in and out like crasy! its good i have 2 accounts.. :D

man all this superfical stuff, ive just been talking with ricky about how this world doenst matter. its all going to fade away. i dont really belong here at all. i am a citizen of Heaven - thats my true home - the House of my Father. cant wait to go there! (but saying that, ricky said i sounded suicidal....) hhehehe

ok anyway, been thinking latley we shoudl be living a life of praise. ... tahts abotu as far as ive gotten. i dunno how to live taht life of praise cos i knwo form experince that all too often i get distracted by living in genral and forget to praise God, but i really do believe that we should be trying our best to live praising God. he dosent want us to get tied down by being here or how we, as humans, have a problem with sin, he wants us to look at him and go "WOW"

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

SUCCESS!!! well sorta :D my music assignment is 99% done and in about 1 hr it will be 100% done. :D so thats pretty fantastic. probably the reason i havent been posting (not that i post all that reguraly anyway) recently. :) dancing last night was megga fun. Jazz wasnt there so i felt it was my duty to have a dance with John for her. you know hes not that good, just showy. :P i have danced with guys who are eaquly as good, but less showy which infact makes them 100% better to dance with. :) sorry Jazz, you but you got to dance with some quality guys. :D one guy i was dancing wiht (finally learnt his name) has been to japan! :D too bad i found that out at the end of the dance :P but im srue we will talk abotu it next time :D

so today, after my music assginment is done, i am going to revise Korean, and then going to garden city, to get some money out - might even by my frog thing too!! :D:D i need to find that 50$ gift voucher... humm... anyway!

i was sorta thinking abotu working on songs last night, and i couldtn find the lyrics to the one i wrote like 3 mths ago!! i need some orgnisation! So anyway here are some other lyrics i dug up last night, that i have to dedicate to JoshJamesBarrFerret, jsut cos hes really cool and pretty much an inspiration to me. :)

On my knees i come again
the only way i ever should
ive just suddenly had a revelation
that im somewhere i shouldnt be

remembering You
brings tears to my eyes
and remembering You
makes me think of sacrifice

Ive forgotten You, lost in this place
of living life and getting it right
realizing again that ive screwed it up
reminding me to return to your grace

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

i cant really beileve it, and i suppose that alot of people reading this wont believe it either, but right now, i actually want to talk to someone - and there is no one online!! i dont know how or why this has happened, but im not sure i like it :P oh theres the phone... doubt its for me though... and i was right. that was my Yia-yia checking to see if i got home and dad likes his birthday presents, cos its his birthday today. it was chris's birthday today too, most of the reason that i remembered is that it was dads birthday.

Man i really like this song. i cant believe this year is almost over. is that really possible??? i cant believe that shops are putting up christmas decorations already... that is hard to believe. man so many things that are hard to believe. speaking of hard to believe, i foudn it hard today to explain what believing in Jesus ment at CE. i dont know why, but when it try to wokr off the stuff they give you instead of jsut trusting God, it makes things so much more complicated, and as a result i confused eveyrone quite a bit... *sigh* then i prayed and i think it turend out all right. i want to send an email to Chris to check, but i dont wnat to seem im pushing... dam taht pushing....

You know who else is pushing... ricky... dam that boy. (in a good way). hoenstly i jsut wish he didnt make me feel so confused. not that im confused, but its jsut anoying having stuff to say but not saying it, or not getting the chance to say it, or not knowing if you will ever get the chance to say it. its very confusing and anoying. maybe i should be learning paticence...

tell you what though, my yia-yia needs patcients. she fully kicked the lift door today when it didnt come fast enough... *oi!* and eveyrone thought old ppl were harmless....

Jesus please get back in the drivers seat, i promise ill try not to fiddle with the indicators....

Monday, October 17, 2005

Well i dont know what to say, except that God rules!! honestly jsut taken over by him on sunday and i cant believe it all. Jesus jstu roks my soks! :P ahahha such a joshbarrferret thing to say :D

"Cos i dont have the words to say
to show wahts in my heart
For you, Oh Lord, are worthy of more,
than i could ever say..."

so anyway, its been a busy weekend and now its monday again, and i was just so in awe of God last night and i still am now, but now that it is monday, there are all thoes little things that are just coming back to haunt me. like my music assignment... which i have started... started being the key word there - i havent acutally finished it yet. but i didnt expect that i would. :P i feel so unprepared for it all :P sillyness i know but thats the way it is.

finally got around to making up a sunday play list for me and amy, :D yeah yeah yeah!! its called "sunday mornign girl power" adn is full of music by great bands such as superchic[k], barlow girls, brook fraser with some other ppl thrown in. its all pretty wonderful.

im sure there was soemthing else to say, there usually is. but as always ive forgotten. If only i had the words to discribe God...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Just got home from uni, and now i can finally expand my lungs again. such a small thing, but something i think we all take for granted all too often. the reason im ranting abotu being able to expand my lungs when i breath in, is because i wore a yukata to uni again today. Just an incredibly spur of the moment thing, but fun all the same. now, my yukata is lying on my bed waiting for me to fold it up again, adn i need to have a shower before dinner, but im stalling by getting on msn :D ahh the fantastic procrastinating nature of msn :D really though i did have a purpose. i was hoping some frieneds woudl be on. but they arent yet... thats ok! what i should do is go have a shower now and when i come back they will hopefully be on, but typically, im already talking to 3 ppl, and it would be so rude jsut to leave, so im going to finish typing this and then get off.

the major decision of the day is that i will start my music assignmetn tomorrow! i have been inspired by fionas last minuet attack on assignments (starting one tomorrwo tahts due friday...) and im going to do mine! yes i am!! after i come home from uni.... ahh uni....

uni on wednesdays has to be one of the coolest days at uni, mostly cos i have bible study and CE, the thing that will make tomorrow different form past wednesdays, is taht i am taking CE.. as in leading it, rather than watching Scott lead it. So after i have a shower and get back on msn, im goign to prepare for CE, adn also possibly do my korean homework (no tv for me tonight...) So much prayer will be focused on leading CE tomorrow, that i will be able to speak the words God wants me to and hopefully make an impression on Chris and Ricky so that they come to realise Jesus is the only way. :D

You give and take away
My heart will choose to stay
Well Blessed be your name

Friday, October 07, 2005

Honestly, when i started this, i swore to myself i wouldnt put up random and unexplained posts that woudl confuse everyone. :P and look at me! oh well. time to rectify the situation with this: my God inspired thought of the night.

Free Gift: Saved by Grace

Its like we are all in jail. All humans. We are there because we have done everything wrong, even with out knowing it. We are in jail and there is no release date on our doors. No one wants to let us out, because we deserve to be locked up forever. We are that bad.

And then one day, someone sends you a gift. Even though you have never had any visitors, you have never had any phone calls and you even have trouble remembering what its like to live outside jail. Someone has sent you a gift. And when you open it up, it's a golden key. It's the key to the cell you are in. it's the key that then unlocks the gate at the end of the hall. It's the key that opens the electrified security fence outside.

So you take your key, and you open the first door and start walking out. As you walk through the halls, you notice that everyone has a key. Some people have opened their doors and are already down the hall. Some people are just putting the key in the lock and checking to see if it really will turn. Some people have hidden their keys under their beds. Some people haven’t even opened the box.

When you get outside you walk down the street and you find that some people who just got out are being taken straight back to jail. Some people are wearing their keys around their necks like a safety vest. Some people have hidden their keys in their pockets and are pretending they didnt have them in the first place. Some people are walking beside you. And finally some one says: “Hey, I just got out too. Want to come to a sinners anonymous meeting with me? I hear we give thanks for our keys and waste time wondering why we got sent them.”

Thoughts: why do some people stay in jail with their keys instead of accepting their free gift? Why would someone send me this gift? this is what it must mean to be saved by Grace. past all human expection where in the world we live in, you dotn get anythign unless you earnt it, Grace is something that only God coudl have thought up. That only God woudl give because of his love for us. his love for me. Thank you for this Grace Jesus. Thank you for the key to my jail cell. May i always be at the sinners anonymous meeting thanking you for the gifts you give.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

1. knowledge means nothing really
2. its not about what you want
3. its not about how you feel

its not about what i want. its not about how i feel. its not about what i know. its about Jesus. its about what he wants for me. its about doing my best to give him the glory. its all about Jesus.

So if i feel stupid, maybe its time i stop feeling stupid and start focusing on Jesus again. cos he is all i need.

All i need is Jesus.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Happy half year bithday to me! 19 and 6 mths doesnt come round every day and i think we should all celebrate! :D

I worked for a very long time today, and again my hands smell like donut king - will this forever be the case? i hope not. shanuny knows i had an interview with boost. he asked me if i was happy and offered me more hours and stuff. hes a funny one. :)

My Pa-Pou's funeral yesterday was good as funerals go. im not going to be put down for a greek funeral, but other wise it was a good send off for him. aussie flowers on the casket and it poured rain afterwards. he was probably laughing at our tears.

"I step outside and i open my eyes
and realise that i cant take a breath
wiht out you being on my mind
theres nothing that i can do,
theres nothing that i can say,
im falling flat on my face
and ive been blown away."

After a long talk with allie in the car last night, i wish there were simple answers to faith. i wish there were a formula that could be applied to everyone so they would know that God is God, and the answer to all the questions. Faith is such a hard thing to explain and come by, espically chrisiantiy, becuase it requires faith based on what we cant see, based on more than we can feel or explain, based on what goes beyond logic. Deciding what to believe.. its tough. sometimes i wonder why God gave us free choice becuase its how we get so confused and lost sometimes... but then, im so glad i serve him because i love him and for no other reason.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Afraid? Of what?
To feel the spirit's glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace?
The strife and strain of life to cease?
Afraid - of that?
Afraid? Of what?
Afraid to see the Saviour's face
To hear His welcome, and to trace
The glory gleam from wounds of grace?
Afraid - of that?
Afraid? Of what?
A flash, a crash, a pierced heart;
Darkness, light, O Heaven's art!
A wound of His a counterpart!
Afraid - of that?
Afraid? Of what?
To do by death what life could not -
Baptize with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
Afraid - of that?

E. H. Hamilton

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

When the phone rang at 12:20 this morning, i thought, "thats odd". but when i went down to check what it was about with mum and found out that my pa-pou had been moved to the intesive care unit of the hospitial, i thought, 'thats not good."

after spending the night listening to the phone ring and having my mum call people and then waking up this morning at 6 to find them leaving for the hospitial, im now very sleep deprived, but praying very hard.

So when the phone rang at 8:10 with the news that the surgery didnt go well and my Pa-Pou died...

Have your way here
keep me afoalt
Cos i know
Ill sink with out you
Take this ocean
Of pain that is mine
Throw me a lifeline.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Romans, Chapter 1, verse 11 - 12

"I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."

how awesome!! im always wanting to try to enocurage people and make them strong, hey, if im honest, i woudl love for people to come up to be and make me suddenly strong. But here is the answer - "that you and i may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith". to be strong we have to encourage each other!! Share the faith people, encourage each other so that we may be strong in the spirit of God.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Yeah i finally understand JONAH!!! this i have to say, is a pretty big break thru for me. i mean, sure i know more bible stories than your average newly become christian, but there are alwasy thoes ones you jsut never got - and Jonah was one of them for me. taht whole bit at the end with the plant... makes no sense - untill today!!

So i had bible study, and dispite the fact that we are doing acts for hte moment, today we looked at jonah for a number of reasons :D and we only did the first 2 chapters, but then when i was waiting for chris, ricky adn scott to turn up for christianty explained, i though, i know, ill look over jonah again, adn i kept reading it and taking the last part apart in my mind and I GOT IT!!

so now you are all wondering what on earth i got.. so here it is:

But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry. 2 He prayed to the LORD, "O LORD, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. 3 Now, O LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."
4 But the LORD replied, "Have you any right to be angry?"

5 Jonah went out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. 6 Then the LORD God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine. 7 But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered. 8 When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah's head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, "It would be better for me to die than to live."

9 But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
"I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die."

10 But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

its a crasy chapter. but i think i get it - God is saying "you are sad abotu a plant - so sad you want to die" and then hes saying "why cant i be sad abotu my people - people who, even though they are sinners, i made adn love. why cant i care enough to die?"

and the answer is - he did care enough to die for us.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

im waiting and waiting and waiting. jsut like i waited and waited for Haruka in japan, just like i always wait and wait for my sisters, just like i waited and waited for ricky on friday. Today i am waiting again. this time though, im waiting for Wendy, who was supposed to meet me at 2:30 (3/4 of an hour ago) in this computer lab to practice our korean. who konws it we will even practice before the day... thats pretty bad considering i need to practice becuase i dont know some of what i have to say... *sigh* waiting and waiting...

cant wait for the ball this friday though! :D:D mostly cos it will mean my korean is over (weather i pass or fail is irrelevent - the thing to remember is that its over!) and becuase i will get to dance dance dance!! :D

had the best lunch today too, chicken, bean salad, feta and olives. pretty ace. so healthy and yum. :D filling too - which is good beuase i have no money... :D

now that i think abotu it though, waiting isnt so bad. and i mean, Jesus waited for me - how sad woudl it have been if he had gotten tempted by chocolate or something and had gone off for 5 mins and missed me? pretty bad - thank heavens that even though i can get tempted while im wating - Jesus resisted and waited for me untill the end.

Monday, September 19, 2005

YES! its MONDAY!! mondays must be the best day in the week soley becuase there is DANCING on mondays! :D i must say though, that it was highly insane to stay up untill 2:30 yesterday morning but it was also totally worth it, untill fiona came into wake me up this morning at 8:30 and sat on my legs and put her cold hands on my warm face. :P still i got a few more hours sleep so it wasnt too bad. :D

had my boost interview today - interview number one. it sounds like they have a pretty tough interview/jobgetting process to go thru. which sorta sux, but i guess it just means that the people who work there woudl be pretty cool.

finihsed reading the davinchi code. which i am so gald about becuse i was trying so hard to get thru it and now its over i can say i read it and leave it there. it was interesting enough, but also really far-fetched in waht it was trying to say about christianity. so far-fetched im sure thats why alot of ppl liek to believe it. :P (man my typos are bad today...)

anyway, as i go thru the week and try to remember what they said at chruch on sunday, i have to continually focus on the thought: All I Need Is Jesus, becuase its so true.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

up this morning at 6:15 and even though im 20 mins early for my korean lecture at 8, i dont feel tired :D doubt this feeling will last after even 15 mins of not being able to understand korean, but thats ok!!

on the way to uni today, listened to some retakes of Veggi Song and i loved all of them, but i have to say "In the Belly of the Whale" is probably my fav. awesom lyrics (http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Veggie-Tales/In-The-Belly-Of-The-Whale-By-Newsboys-For-Jonah.html).

I'm sleepin with fishes here,
In the belly of the whale.
I'm highly nutritious here,
In the belly of the whale.
I'm ready to reappear,
I don't wanna belly ache,
Lord, how long's this gonna take?

So Lord, if im in the belly of the whale becuase you said North and i headed South, how long is it going to take before you make this whale spit me back out so i can do work for you again?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

so ive decided i really dont like trying to title my posts, becuase really - its like trying to decided what the book will be called before you get to the end... and so im not goign to - if your reading and hating me for this decision - deal with it cos it aint goign to change :D

music exam tomorrow, just finihsed reading thru the notes for the class i missed on monday (:P dam clash) and i think it might be ok. i just have to study for the final and get a great mark on the assignment. :P all the best for us. so uni uni uni :P

the flight to Japan is almost booked, yeah for me! and had some random friends come to bible study and christianity explianed today so taht was aweom too. sadly i started reading the davinci code and im pulling my hair out at the complete fiction taht they are selling to people as real! ARGH! i just really want people to remember its fiction, but all i can hear is alexandras voice in my head telling me that its explaiing thigns she always wanted to believe. im like "NO!!!!!" ... who knows if i will finish it, its all a question of weather i can take the bollocks its trying to feed me or i can just manage to keep reminding myself its fiction...

on the saddest side ever, i havent had time to get the song down... dosent it always happen this way? but its still in my head, so one day it will be written!! now im jsut trying to find to fix my dress for the ball next week.... yeah another ball!! :D:D:D

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Yeah i just started to write a new song!! :D see - boring japanese lessons are good for soemthing! :D so excited!! anyway, i slept in this morning (suprise suprise) thanks to the combination of my long working weekend and dancing on monday night (yeah for dancing!!) and even though Curtis is kamakazi curtis and manages to wack me in the face when we dance, i have decided that i really like to dance iwth him, becuase he asks me if i need help with anythign adn teaches me new moves :D yeah for curtis! :D

so anyway, then i missed my first japanese class, so i went to a make up one (after falling alseep in the one i made it to... ehehhe D:) but then i started doing a bordem drawing (yes another one!) and it was slightly depressing, btu then i started drawing stars, and i reliased that stars are like dreams in reality, because they are something we can see and be in awe of. they are like a promise that there is something bigger - that there is somethign worth fighting for! (i love stars) so then i started writing a song! yeah for me! ive got 2 verses and a chorus and a bridge on the way :D and a melody ehhehee... its so fun i wish i had a computer wiht music notaition software here so i could start to write it up - or failing that a piano... but sadly - this uni is lacking both of thoes... *sigh*... oh well...

currently also listenign yrock (hope it doenst make me loose my musical track of thought) and one of my fav songs came on - definatly maybe by FM static :D yeah for great songs (man my arm muscelts are getting sore from this spontanious fast typing :P) but very soon im going to go and study some korean, becuase i really dont give the language as much study as it desreves and if i dont study i will definatly fail my mid semester :( that wouldnt be good!

copyright to me 2005

and all i see are stars
reminding me of You
and all i see are the stars
keeping me going, for You
Only You

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Post Two

well good morning to me on post two. :D after working 8 hours and a bit, and knowing for at least the last 4 or so that i couldnt wait to leave work, im now home and chillin in front of the tv. fiona hasnt had enough sleep so she is in a very bad mood and she has to work tonight and then again tomorrow morning - back to back 10 hours. Poor fiona. shes is going to be glad to sleep in on monday morning. im not sure i will even be able to get her out of bed so she can go to uni... humm oh well.

Me and sarah are going out tonight to the maskerade (waht a word! :P) ball so yeah! but i acutally have a bit of a headache.. probably from working and my hands smell like donut king :P im going to be so glad to walk out of there on monday - which i have just realised is the start of school holidays adn therefor wont be as crusy as i woudl have liked... oh well.

man this started so good and then i got distracted by the adds on tv... disastor! so with only 30 mins to go untill i have to start getting ready, im watching some classic tv - dr quinn medicin woman. the sad thing is there are so many other thing i could be doing, as always.

why on earth do i waste so much time! :P

"Our concentration
it contains a deadly flaw
Our conversations
change from words to
Blah, blah, blah
We took prescription drugs
but look how much good that did
Well I think I had a point,
but I just got distracted

Lately it just seems like me
like we've got the letters A.D.D.
branded into our mentality
we simply can't focus
on anything

Because it's
17, 18, 19 routine
and here at 23 it's
the same old me
and that one thing
of the moment
that we all happen to like
will only very temporarily
kinda break the cycle
of the double-edged sword
of being lazy and being bored
we just want more
and more and more
until it's all we can afford"

anyway with balls to prepare for and headaches to rid myself of, i had better get going, even though this bludign is so much fun. :D

Clouds again

Every day i am so astounded by how great God is, jsut by looking at the sky. Always looking up - changing what you see by changing your perspective - always makes things seem so much different. So amasing. So much you never thought possible.

I love to walk down the street to my house, just when the sun is up, or when its setting, or even when there are clouds in the sky, especially the whispy ones, becuase i feel thoes are the days that God has started to draw caligraphy in the sky with them. Walking down the street today made me want to never take up driving, jsut so i could always have the chance in every day to look up and know the wonder of God.